Friday, August 9, 2013

Wake Me Up

Surprisingly, friends, I am still alive.  Well, the being alive part isnt surprising, but I think you get my point.  I hope that this blog will serve as an explanation of my absence in the past months.  

It's been a very.... stressful time.  My work schedule changed, which basically eliminated any free time I had.  On Mondays, the busiest day of my week, I sometimes don't get home until 10:30-11pm after arriving at work at 7am.  Most weeks, I average 60 hours of work.  To say that I am exhausted is an understatement.

The increase in work load, plus trying to keep up with letters and music and everything else I wanted to do basically destroyed my left arm.  As most of you probably know, I have been having some severe pain issues right above my elbow that radiates down into my left hand, sometimes leaving my fingers numb or tingling.  Surgery looks to be my only option of correction now, as it is too far gone for stretching, exercises, and injected steroids and pain killers to correct.  This will set me back quite a bit.  I would have to learn how to do everything with my right hand.... and I'm scared of it.  The what ifs are terrifying.

But.... I also had no words.  I have stacks of letters to reply to... tons of people I have grown to think of as a sort of adopted family that I wanted to speak with.... I just couldn't find the words.  I'm still trying to find them, to be honest, but my recent desires to put pen to paper might signal the end of this down period.  And it wasn't just you guys I wasn't talking to, it was everyone - friends, family, coworkers... everyone.  I just stopped.

And then the depression hit.  Oscar, my beloved black and tan dachshund with a slight touch of grey on his nose, went missing on the night of June 8th.  Exhaustive searching around the neighborhood, flyers posted everywhere, door to door expeditions, and searching every animal shelter I could find led to nothing.  He literally just vanished.  While I hope that he is safe somewhere, my heart knows what really happened. 

My mom had her left knee replaced on June 11th.  I haven't really had time to process Oscar's loss, or the time to do anything, since then.  Now that she is getting out of physical therapy and is back at work and things are starting to become normal again.... I think that I am, too.

Is anyone still out there?  I hope so.


  1. I'm here. I'm sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. I feel for you. I lost both of my cats in a matter of month. one was less than a year, and the other was 21 years old. I got her when I was six. That one was really rough for me.
    I was thinking until your left hand heals and you can write with it again you could type your letters to people. Or there are serves that you can email them the letter, then they will hand write it out for you and then send it off to the person.
    I hope things start looking up for you. I'm sure they will.
    (not trying to be preachy just trying to lift your spirits a bit)
    "Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good.: -Alma 37:37

  2. Yup, still here. Keep chugging my friend. This to shall pass.

  3. That sounds like a tough few months. I'm sorry to hear you lost Oscar, I remember the times when our cats went missing :( We later found out that one of them found a loving home with a lady who had cancer, so even though it was sad for us at least the lady had someone to care about and to cuddle with.
    Good luck with your surgery! I would also advice to opt for typed letters if you feel like it and then again, being able to write with both hands would be awesome, wouldn't it? When I was a kid I actually tried to learn it but gave up after a bit.
    Take care!

  4. So sorry to read of your pains and heartache, Lucas. I agree that it would be fun to be able to learn to write with your other hand, but I know that takes a great deal of time. Your penfriends will be on the other side of the envelope when you are ready to write.

  5. The official video to this song is so amazing! :)

  6. When a vessel is alone in a rocky sea,being thrashed about to and fro,a distress signal sent out into the dark night,oft times goes unheeded.However, my mariner pen friend,not this time.Those of us who read this are lining the shore,awaiting your boat ,to dock.